You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
