highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
