His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
