@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
