You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
