planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize