Your tits are I can't wait for
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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