My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
