Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
