I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
