she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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