i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
how drunk are you?
Several
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
