i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
