Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
