so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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