allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
