We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
