3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
