can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
smell my finger.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
