Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
