I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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