is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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