i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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