Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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