I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
