I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
