found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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