She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
