Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
