I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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