i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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