At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
