its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
