Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
