He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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