it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
