Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
