I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
