We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
