well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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