there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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