So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
