Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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