we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
