watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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