my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
