I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
