I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
