I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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