apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
