Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
