Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
