Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
