My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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