Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
