One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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